Cougars are everywhere at the moment. In the aftermath of divorce, more women seem willing to seek out younger men—and embrace the thrill of a short-lived romance.
Just last week, I watched another friend surrender to the charms of a much younger man.
She arrived at a party—one her ex-husband happened to be attending—with a date who looked, frankly, like he had walked straight out of a 1990s Blink-182 video. He wore a flat-brim skateboarder cap and long shorts that fell to his knees.
She paraded him around the room, proudly introducing him to everyone as though he were a particularly impressive prize. The rest of us made polite conversation while quietly scanning the room for an escape route.
What were we supposed to discuss with him? We were drinking cocktails and debating politics or the latest marital crisis, while he seemed more interested in finding a keg and a “line.” That is not an exaggeration.
Later, when the group chat got going, my friend attempted to justify the enormous age gap. She insisted that he had “the mind of an old soul” and was “far more mature than his age.”
But was he really? Or was he simply gifted in the bedroom and making her feel young again?
To be blunt, I have had enough of the latest cougar revival. The entire idea leaves me cold.
I have had enough of the cougar revival, especially after my own brief and mildly disastrous experiment with it
Cougars have long remained just beneath the surface, often treated as an amusing Hollywood storyline. (Pictured: The 1967 film The Graduate)
For years, society has mocked men who pursue women young enough to be their daughters—or, in some cases, their granddaughters. Yet when a recently divorced friend arrives at brunch boasting about an all-night encounter with a younger man, the response is usually an enthusiastic: “Good for you!”
Older women dating younger men have long provided Hollywood with an entertaining plotline, from American Pie and The Graduate to Nicole Kidman’s 2024 erotic drama Babygirl.
The dynamic has also become increasingly visible in real life. Cher, 80, is dating her 39-year-old boyfriend, rapper Alexander “AE” Edwards, while Madonna, 68, has been linked to 30-year-old athlete Akeem Morris.
This week, actor Aaron Taylor-Johnson, 36, and his 59-year-old wife, filmmaker Sam Taylor-Johnson, were back in the headlines after being photographed kissing on the streets of New York City.
The couple, who met while working on Nowhere Boy, have long faced questions about their 23-year age difference. Aaron was 18 at the time, while Sam was 42, the film’s director and a divorced mother of two.
I am 42 myself, and the thought of spending time with an 18-year-old is unbearable. Dating one is even harder to imagine.
Still, I will admit that I recently conducted my own brief—and somewhat disastrous—investigation into the appeal of dating younger men.
I opened the dating apps and adjusted my age settings to include men between 23 and 28. The biggest surprise was that my number of likes doubled within a single day.
Clearly, this dating trend is not being driven solely by women. Younger men appear more than happy to participate.
Eventually, I matched with a tall, broad-shouldered 25-year-old tradesman and arranged to meet. Even getting dressed felt strangely complicated. What exactly does a woman wear on a date with a man in his twenties?
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I settled on fitted jeans, a pretty white top, a bomber jacket and heeled boots. He arrived in loose jeans, a band T-shirt and an unmistakable cloud of stale laundry.
There was no question: I was absolutely on a date with a 25-year-old.
To his credit, the evening began pleasantly. Over a couple of glasses of wine, he told me about his ambition to start his own carpentry business. Then he suggested ordering a full bottle, and I thought, “Why not?”
That was followed by an uncomfortable silent exchange, each of us waiting to see who would go to the bar to order it. Apparently, the answer was me.
The moment was impossible to recover from. As I stood in the queue, waiting to pay for our bottle, I was hit by an overwhelming wave of the ick.
Sam and Aaron Taylor-Johnson have repeatedly faced scrutiny over their relationship
The couple were photographed together in New York City this week
Only a week earlier, I had gone out with an older man who immediately asked whether he should order for both of us. We were at a sushi restaurant known for its shared dishes, and I loved that he took the initiative.
What can I say? I appreciate a courteous alpha.
Unfortunately, that same man proceeded to gulp down most of my carefully chosen red wine, become thoroughly drunk and lunge at me for a wine-stained kiss.
No, thank you.
It seems that joining the cougar club may require abandoning rather a lot of personal standards.
Was he attractive? Certainly. Did we share any meaningful interests or values? Not remotely. Still, you have to admire his ability to recognize an opportunity for a free evening out.
That is another concern. Alongside the unkind comments about visible age differences that no amount of Botox can completely disguise, there is often an uncomfortable financial imbalance. The older woman may have the established career and end up funding the lifestyle. We celebrate independent women, but paying for an entire relationship can start to resemble a sugar-mama arrangement.
I suspect my strong reaction is also tied to a memory of my brother. When he was in his early thirties, he brought a 52-year-old woman home for Christmas. She was divorced, had older teenage daughters and appeared ready to embrace life as an empty nester.
I felt genuinely sad for my brother. He had always said he wanted marriage and children, yet during their years of repeatedly breaking up and reuniting, those fairly ordinary hopes seemed to drift further away.
Thankfully, the relationship eventually ended, giving my brother the chance to reclaim some of his younger, more carefree years. Reality had also begun to expose their differences: she wanted quiet evenings and romantic trips, while he wanted camping weekends and nights out with his friends.
I understand the temptation. Anyone trapped in a stale marriage to a man who considers a fart and a half-hearted grope perfectly acceptable bedroom behavior might welcome the opportunity to be desired by someone with the energy—and stamina—to go the distance without worrying about a cardiac event.
But to me, dating younger men is best viewed as a transitional post-divorce adventure: a way to rediscover your confidence, reclaim your spark and prove that you still have it. I am not convinced it makes sense as a lifelong commitment.
