Celebrity MasterChef managed, somehow, to become compelling television. Not because the first semi-final raised the standard, but because it sank below the earlier rounds in such unexpected fashion that it was hard to look away.
The programme’s familiar weaknesses remained firmly in place. The “celebrities” were not exactly household names, and the cooking was rarely strong enough to compensate — two fairly significant problems for a show carrying the title Celebrity MasterChef.
The supposed drama of watching whether the singer from Union J could produce a dish marginally less underwhelming than one made by a former actress from The Bill was curious at best. Just as puzzling was the continued centrality of Gregg Wallace: a man everyone recognises, though few would claim to adore.
Well done: Celebrity MasterChef managed to impress, if only because the first semi-final was even worse than what had come before — and in ways nobody could have predicted
“I’m going to do a salad,” Paralympic athlete Stefanie Reid told him, before noting: “You do not look excited about that.” It was a fair observation — and one that rather raised the question of why viewers should feel any differently.
His reaction grew even more animated when she revealed her next selection. “Why did you pick SQUASH as your favourite ingredient?!” Wallace spluttered, as if the vegetable itself had personally offended him.
In that moment, Wallace inadvertently underlined the wider issue. While The Great British Bake Off has refined its format into something polished and reliable, Celebrity MasterChef continues to feel oddly chaotic, uneven and structurally confused.
Stumbling block: The show’s core problems remained obvious. The contestants were not especially famous, and the cooking was not especially impressive — two serious drawbacks for a series called Celebrity MasterChef
Even though it was 60 minutes long the semi-final only had two ‘challenges’ and (like the restaurant round in the previous heats) the first one was irrelevant in terms of the judges’ decision.
The contestants were divided into teams and the two sides had different ingredients so as a contest was even more pointless.
The killer blow though came at the start when the narrator announced: ‘it’s 8am in the early 20th century.’
No it isn’t, you thought. Not judging by the state of Spencer Matthews’ haircut.
Odd: The appeal of seeing whether the singer from Union J would make something not quite as bad as an actress who used to be in The Bill was as baffling as the continuing presence of Gregg Wallace (someone we’ve all heard of but surely no one likes)
Mess: Wallace it was who illustrated how, whereas The Great British Bake Off has perfected its formula, Celebrity MasterChef’s format was a shambles and bizarre
The show was cashing in on those series re-creating British history like The Victorian Kitchen, by adjourning to Dudley in the Black Country to cook for ninety of the actors and volunteers in what Gregg Wallace called ‘one of the finest living museums in the country’ – a contradiction in terms if ever there was one.
The concept was ‘flexible’ to say the least.
Contestants like AJ and Josh made the same dishes they had done in the competition already (custard and tart tatin), which Gregg actively encouraged, grinning: ‘there is no substitute for experience. I like that!’
Never mind if the viewers did.
Heard to head: This week the contestants were divided into teams and the two sides had different ingredients so as a contest was even more pointless
Do it: Contestants like AJ and Josh made the same dishes they had done in the competition already (custard and tart tatin), which Gregg actively encouraged, grinning, ‘there is no substitute for experience!’
The moment Celebrity MasterChef surely ‘jumped the shark’ involved Gregg Wallace, Lisa Maxwell, and the ‘roasted cauliflower wedge stuffed with pepper’ she had elected to make regardless of lamenting: ‘I don’t have all the Indian spices I would have liked but they didn’t back in those days.’
John Torode had already thundered: ‘I don’t know what it is. She doesn’t know what it is. And the people who are going to eat it won’t know what it is!’
Gregg Wallace went even further.
Awkward: The moment Celebrity Masterchef surely ‘jumped the shark’ involved Gregg Wallace, Lisa Maxwell, and the ‘roasted cauliflower wedge stuffed with pepper’ she had elected to make
Wise words: John Torode had already thundered, ‘I don’t know what it is. She doesn’t know what it is. And the people who are going to eat it won’t know what it is!’
‘I have NO interest at all in tasting cauliflower and cheddar in a pepper!’ he insisted to Torode.
Neither he nor the BBC seemed to see the irony.
The truth was most of us had no interest in watching her make it or watching him tasting it either.
But the idea of Gregg Wallace not tasting it really had no appeal to anyone and surely meant MasterChef was officially completely pointless.
Here we go: Gregg Wallace went even further. ‘I have NO interest at all in tasting cauliflower and cheddar in a pepper!’ he insisted to Torode. Neither he nor the BBC seemed to see the irony
12 other moments that showed Celebrity Masterchef had finally ‘jumped the shark’
1.‘Gregg says your potatoes are ‘enthusiastically crisp.’ That means they’re very hard!’
– John Torode confirms what viewers have suspected all along: that Gregg Wallace doesn’t know what he’s talking about
2. ‘Right this moment I’m anxious, scared, and I’m nervous – because I honestly I have no idea how it’s going to go…I’m genuinely terrified from the bottom of my heart. That is the honest truth’
– Josh from Union J.
The truth: .‘Gregg says your potatoes are ‘enthusiastically crisp.’ That means they’re very hard!’ – John Torode confirms what viewers have suspected all along: that Gregg Wallace doesn’t know what he’s talking about
Mate, you’re cooking sea-bass for Gregg Wallace on Celebrity Mastermind not serving in Afghanistan. That is the honest truth
3. ‘I really don’t think I’ve got another challenge in me. I don’t know if I could cope’
– Lisa Maxwell. It’s not climbing Mount Everest
4. ‘We want something hearty – something that hankers back to an age where people ate really good gutsy food’
– John Torode doing the hankering – acting as if people in the early 20th century ate better than we do
5. ‘They make it sound so easy !’
– Josh failing to enter into the spirit/work ethic of the early 20th century when he’s given the task of separating enough egg yolks to make 50 portions of custard. Hard labour for a young man today
Exhausted: . ‘I really don’t think I’ve got another challenge in me. I don’t know if I could cope’ – said Lisa Maxwell
6. ‘Why did you pick SQUASH as your favourite ingredient?!’
– Gregg Wallace to athlete Stefanie Reid. Our thoughts exactly, and if anything the fact she was doing the squash four ways (‘pureed, roasted, spiced, and shredded’) made it worse not better
7. Gregg Wallace: ‘I understand why you like sea trout but the rest of the dish? Pumpkin puree, roasted pumpkin, potato fondant, and peas… What’s its heritage?’
Spencer Matthews: ‘My mother loves pumpkin, so I was thinking of her a bit’
At least he didn’t refer to the (old) trout
8. ‘A fish as majestic as a monkfish needs something good’
– Martin Bayford on the puy lentils, cauliflower, and samphire he served with the monkfish. If it’s that ‘majestic’ how about not eating it?
That is not right: ‘Why did you pick SQUASH as your favourite ingredient?!’ Gregg Wallace told athlete Stefanie Reid. Our thoughts exactly
9. ‘The fish is over-cooked. The potatoes are hard. Your broccoli is over-cooked…. Josh, it’s not a brilliant plate of food’
– John Torode breaks it gently to Josh that he can’t cook
10. ‘I can cook now – ish!’
– Josh acting as if it’s been a triumph as he’s sent out of the series by the judges
11. ‘It smacks of being rushed. We’ve got split aioli. We’ve got a salad that has no dressing on it. We’ve got saffron potatoes that have just been cooked in water and served without any butter!’
– John Torode breaks it gently to Lisa Maxwell that she can’t even put butter on potatoes let alone cook
12. ‘I have a skill now! I can have that forever! I can go home and cook my family a meal now! Who’d have thought it?!’
– Lisa Maxwell acting as if it’s been a triumph as she’s sent out of the series. Who’d have thought it? Not me.
