Lauren Goodger has opened up about the grief she continues to carry four years after the tragic death of her newborn daughter, Lorena.
The former TOWIE star, 39, appeared on This Morning on Tuesday, where she spoke candidly about the lasting impact of the trauma and how it has left her struggling with severe anxiety.
In the emotional interview, Lauren also shared that her eldest daughter, four-year-old Larose, is still unaware that she once had a baby sister.
Lorena died just minutes after being born, with her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. Lauren and her family are preparing to mark the fourth anniversary of her passing on Wednesday.
Speaking to hosts Cat Deeley and Ben Shephard, Lauren said: ‘Larose has no idea what has happened. She doesn’t know she had a little sister. She doesn’t need to. She’s so young. I’ll explain when she’s older in a more positive way.’
Lauren said the family will remember Lorena with balloons, which Larose believes are for her. The television personality separated from her partner Charles Drury following the tragedy, but the pair are said to have maintained a positive co-parenting relationship.
Lauren Goodger has reflected on the devastating loss of her newborn daughter, four years after her death
Lorena died just minutes after birth after her umbilical cord became wrapped around her neck, with the family set to mark the fourth anniversary of her passing on Wednesday
For Lauren the trauma has ‘changed’ her. The television star revealed her anxiety is so severe that travelling to the This Morning studios was the first day she has got into a taxi since Lorena’s death.
She said: ‘It’s the worst thing I have ever been through. I am still not over it. It has completely changed me as a person. I’m still healing and getting my confidence back. Loads of things in my personal life have changed.
‘I go to bed really early. I don’t drink alcohol. It’s hard to socialise. I’m coming out of that now. I have severe anxiety. Little things that people enjoy in life, I struggled with.
‘I’m never, ever going to get over it but I’ve learned to live with it. I just have to accept what happened. But she’s always in my heart with me.
Lauren, who appeared on the show to talk about the release of her new book Mum Of Two: Love, Loss and My Life, relived the moment she realised something was terribly wrong while in labour.
She had planned for a natural water birth, to be carried out at her Essex home under the supervision of her midwife Tamzin – who had previously delivered Larose.
Her waters broke on July 6 and initial vitals were normal, with Lauren deemed ‘low risk’ after giving birth to her first child without issue.
The television star revealed her anxiety is so severe that Tuesday was the first day she has got a taxi since Lorena’s death
Lauren, who appeared on the show to talk about the release her book Mum Of Two: Love, Loss and My Life, relived the moment she realised something was terribly wrong while in labour
The family will celebrate Lorena’s anniversary with balloons, which Larose thinks are for her (pictured with Larose)
Further tests were carried out the following day, during which the unborn child’s heartbeat was detected, but when her contractions began on day three the heart was no longer beating, and Lauren was rushed to hospital.
Lauren said: ‘The contractions just weren’t starting and I stayed at home because it was the best place. I was advised to stay.
‘It’s like a blur because everything was quite calm at the beginning, then panic as the midwife, who I had before, couldn’t find a heartbeat. That was a panic.
‘It’s like a blur because everything was quite calm at the beginning, then panic as the midwife, who I had before, couldn’t find a heartbeat. That was a panic.
‘When I did finally go into labour, the oxygen levels were lost and I was rushed in an ambulance. I turned up to the nearest hospital, they weren’t expecting me as it was the nearest one.’
Following a two hour birth more than ten doctors desperately fought to save Lorena by performing chest compressions and administering adrenalin, but to no avail.
Lauren said: ‘Unfortunately she just died due to oxygen loss.’
The reality star said in the years afterwards she has been in ‘flight or fight’.
She said: ‘My body, everything changed. I was in flight or fight. I have powered through as a single mum. I hope I can make my daughter proud.’
If you have been affected by anything in this article, please contact the UK Child Bereavement line on 0800 02 888 40 or The Lullaby Trust on 0808 8026868
