Dear Eric: I’m unhappy with our current living situation and wish to relocate to be nearer to my family. Although my parents are in good health, I’m worried about not having much time left with them. I understand that telling my husband about my desire to move may upset him since it’s the first time in his life that he’s truly enjoyed his job.
If we were to relocate closer to my family, as well as his, it would make it impossible for him to keep his current job due to the long commute.
We currently reside in a rural area far removed from basic urban conveniences like grocery stores and healthcare. Moving here was my dream six years ago, but now I’ve had enough. The harsh and brutal winters exacerbate my Fibromyalgia, and the constant storms make my pain worse. Living here feels exceedingly lonely for me.
He’s not great at communicating and often reacts with anger, sulking for days before eventually talking things out like adults. I’ve researched job prospects in the area where I would prefer to live, finding numerous opportunities in his field, which would be a financially good move for us.
We are in our 40s and still have a lot of working years ahead of us.
– Wants to Go Home
Dear Home: I empathize with the anxiety you’re feeling – when we’re stuck in uncertainty, anxiety latches on to anything it can and grows.
The main source of my anxiety, though, stems from within our home. Your husband has repeatedly used his emotions as a weapon throughout your marriage. Pouting is not a mature way to handle situations, and the silent treatment is often a tactic used by emotionally controlling partners. Within a marriage, partners should care about each other’s feelings, but he’s using his emotions to control you, which is unhealthy.
In terms of how to tell him: you could say, “I’m feeling unhappy, and I need your help; can you listen to me without judgment or withdrawing?” You don’t have to resolve his work situation—there are other opportunities for him, as you’ve noted. His job and his feelings are ultimately his responsibility.
Because of the ways that these conversations have gone in the past, I’d recommend talking first to a counselor – though you’re in a remote area, there are many options for online sessions. Ask to practice the conversation with your therapist. And see if your therapist is open to a joint session with your husband to keep you both on track.
Dear Eric: My son is recently engaged to a fabulous woman. I love her dearly. She’s always addressed me as Mrs. [My Last Name]. I would like to pass the torch, per se, and tell her that she will soon be Mrs. [Last Name] and that I’d like to be called either by my first name, MIL (for Mother-In-Law) or Mom (only if she’s totally comfortable).
She sees that I call my mother-in-law Mom, and my sister-in-law calls my mother Mom, and I don’t want her to feel like she’s not worthy to call me Mom. But at the same time, she has a mother and I wouldn’t want her to feel disloyal by calling me Mom. Can you tell me the best approach to make her comfortable to call me whatever she likes?
– Loving Soon-to-be Mother-in-Law
Dear Mother-in-Law: This is a transition that might take a few go-rounds to truly stick. Try not to take it personally, if that’s the case. Your first instinct – to give her options and invite her to choose what makes her most comfortable – is great. Verbally acknowledge that this is a new phase of your relationship that you’re building, and you’re excited to make a change if she’s comfortable with that. And then ask her what her preferences are. This is also a good way to start to talk about how you two are building your relationship. The names are important, but the most important thing is that you are working together to get closer, to form a bond and to communicate with each other. This relationship, like every other relationship, takes intentionality and care on both sides. What a privilege to begin this new step.
Lastly, be open to trial and error here. Or to revision down the line. And tell her that. One day, you might be MIL and another you might be Mom. Neither of you has to find the perfect fit right away. Leave room for both of you to keep testing out options until you settle on nomenclature that feels right.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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Originally Published: October 6, 2025 at 12:00 AM EDT
