Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs has admitted he once believed he’d be ‘better off dead’, sharing his deep remorse about his criminal history in a letter to the judge in charge of his case.
The former music icon complained about the ‘inhumane’ conditions he faced in prison in a four-page letter to Judge Arun Subramanian, prior to his sentencing hearing scheduled for Friday.
He is hopeful for an immediate release, but the prosecutors are requesting the judge impose an 11-year sentence after Diddy was found guilty of committing acts related to prostitution. Notably, he was acquitted of the more severe charges of racketeering and sex trafficking during his high-profile trial in July.
‘I must confess that my downfall stemmed from my selfish nature… Over this past year, there were countless moments when I felt like giving up,’ Diddy expressed in his sincere letter.
‘There have been some days I thought I would be better off dead.
‘Your Honor might wish to set an example through my case. I would ask, instead, that Your Honor use me as an example of someone who can truly transform if given another chance.’
Diddy conveyed to the judge that his jail experience had profoundly changed him, stating: ‘The person I was before died in jail, and a new version of myself emerged. Prison will either change or destroy you – I choose change.’
‘I have been humbled and broken to my core. Jail is designed to break you mentally, physically and spiritually.’
The fallen music mogul whined about the ‘inhumane’ conditions in prison in a four page letter to Judge Arun Subramanian ahead of his sentencing hearing on Friday
Diddy (center) reacts after hearing his verdict in court on July 2. His attorneys are seen embracing and smiling, while he sits his head in his hands (court sketch)
He begged the judge to impose a sentence of just 14 months for his conduct. The judge has already rejected a proposed $50 million bail package.
During his time behind bars, Diddy revealed the footage of him assaulting his former partner Cassie Ventura ‘play over and over in my head daily.’
‘I literally lost my mind. I was dead wrong for putting my hands on the woman that I loved. I’m sorry for that and always will be,’ Diddy wrote.
‘I take full responsibility and accountability for my past wrongs. This has been the hardest 2 years of my life, and I have no one to blame for my current reality and situation but myself.’
He acknowledged that his actions against Ventura are something he could never forgive another man for doing if the victim was one of his daughters.
‘My domestic violence will always be a heavy burden that I will have to forever carry. The remorse, the sorrow, the regret, the disappointment, the shame,’ he wrote.
‘I honestly feel sorry for something that I couldn’t forgive someone else for: if they put their hands on one of my daughters. This is why it is so hard for me to forgive myself. It is like a deep wound that leaves an ugly scar.’
While prosecutors have argued the judge must impose a harsh sentence to deter reoffending, Diddy argued in his letter that he has been sufficiently punished in custody.
The former billionaire switched his life of luxury for a windowless cell with 25 other inmates.
‘In this room that I share, there are no windows, there is no natural/clean air, there is no sunlight and we all live in one room,’ he said.
‘We eat, sleep, use the toilet, take showers, and prepare meals all in the same room.
‘The conditions that my actions have placed me in are inhumane. I don’t tell you this for pity or sympathy. I’m simply sharing my truth and the truth of my fellow incarcerated people.
‘We have no clean drinking water and we boil our drinking water. We all share one washing machine (which is broken). I am surrounded by drugs and live every day with the constant threat of being stabbed or killed.
‘My time at MDC has changed me forever.’
He added that during his time behind bars, three of his daughters had their proms and graduations, and one of them started college – all milestones he had envisioned being there for which he ultimately missed.
His youngest daughter, aged two, has learned how to speak, dance and play, and Diddy told the judge he had missed being ‘there to console her when she falls down or has a nightmare.’
‘Four of my children lost their mother, Kim Porter, as she tragically passed away in 2018. I am their only parent. I have failed my children as a father. My father was murdered when I was 3 years old so I know first-hand what it is to not have a father,’ he wrote.
Beyond the personal milestones, Diddy argued that his livelihood and everything he ‘worked hard to earn’ has vanished.
‘Because of my conduct, I have lost all of my businesses,’ he wrote. ‘I have lost my career. I lost the charter schools that I started and I have destroyed my reputation.
‘Between of all of my losses and lessons, I can state for a fact that I will never be in another criminal Courtroom again and I do not believe any other person would do anything similar from fear of similar punishment.’
In a 189-page sentencing submission seen by the Daily Mail, New York prosecutors requested a minimum term of imprisonment of 135 months – which equates to just over 11 years.
Additionally, prosecutors are seeking a fine of $500,000 to be imposed, describing a financial punishment as ‘fitting here since the defendant’s access to wealth enabled his crimes.’
