Dear Vanessa,
Twelve years ago, my ex-husband and I ended our long-standing marriage. We share two adult children who are now in their late 20s. Despite our separation, we have managed to maintain a fairly amicable relationship.
Recently, he informed me of his plans to remarry.
Initially, I was genuinely happy for him. At his age, in his late 60s, I completely understand the desire for companionship, and I harbor no resentment about it.
The potential impact on our children’s inheritance hadn’t crossed my mind until our daughter brought it up, expressing her concern that it might “disappear into Dad’s new marriage.”
She chose to discuss this with me, as she was hesitant to approach her father, worried it might appear as though she was only concerned about his finances.
My ex owns his home outright, has investments and good retirement savings. The children always assumed they would inherit something one day, not because they are waiting for it, but because their father had talked openly about helping future grandchildren and leaving a legacy.
Now I don’t know what happens.
Vanessa Stoykov (pictured) helps a woman who is worried about her children’s inheritance
I feel uncomfortable raising it because it sounds greedy and I don’t want the children appearing money-focused. But I also know second marriages can become complicated, especially if assets become mixed.
Should I encourage the children to speak to him? Or should I stay out of it completely and let him do what he wants with his money?
Concerned Mum.
Dear Concerned Mum,
This situation is becoming increasingly common as people find love again later in life.
Families are changing. People are living longer, divorcing more, remarrying and blending families in ways previous generations didn’t experience at the same scale.
Your ex absolutely has the right to rebuild his life and make decisions about his assets. At the same time, it is understandable that adult children wonder how a major life change may affect future plans and family expectations.
Money conversations around second relationships can feel awkward because nobody wants to appear entitled. However, avoiding them altogether can create even bigger issues later.
‘I feel uncomfortable raising it because it sounds greedy and I don’t want the children appearing money focused,’ a woman writes to Vanessa (stock image posed by model)
Globally, an estimated US$124trillion is expected to transfer between generations over the coming decades, in what many are calling the ‘Great Wealth Transfer’. As families become more blended and people live longer, conversations around inheritance, fairness and legacy are becoming more common.
What matters here is communication.
Rather than asking, ‘What are we getting?’ the conversation could be framed as: ‘Dad, have you reviewed your wishes and documents now life is changing?’
A remarriage can affect wills, superannuation beneficiaries, powers of attorney and estate plans. Many people simply do not realise how much needs updating.
This is also a reminder that inheritance should never be assumed. Adult children are often better served focusing on their own financial foundations while appreciating anything that eventually comes as a bonus.
That said, your children are not wrong for wanting clarity. Their concern may not be greed at all. It may simply be uncertainty.
If your ex wants assets preserved for children while also protecting a new partner, there are ways to structure this, but it usually requires planning and advice.
I would encourage the children to have an open, respectful conversation with their father directly rather than through you.
Because the truth is, this is not really about money.
It is about family, legacy and making sure everyone understands the future.
All the best,
Vanessa.
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