In the bustling metropolis of New York City, felony domestic violence rates remain alarmingly high, even as other criminal activities see a decline. The statistics reveal a disturbing scenario.
From 2014 to 2023, nearly 60% of intimate partner homicides involved individuals who had never interacted with law enforcement before. In contrast, approximately 20% of those accused of domestic violence last year had previous related incidents on their criminal records.
These figures highlight two crucial aspects: domestic violence can strike unexpectedly in seemingly peaceful homes, and it can also persist in a cycle of repeated offenses. Each pattern highlights the urgent and complex nature of tackling this issue.
As we observe October’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month, numerous questions arise. Who are the individuals inflicting harm in relationships? What drives someone to hurt those they claim to love? Can abusers alter their behavior post-offense?
Despite numerous advocacy efforts and significant legislation like the Violence Against Women Act, existing strategies fall short of delivering the widespread reduction in violence that survivors and families desperately need. Often, the system intervenes only after the damage is done. To genuinely curb domestic violence, we must focus on preventive measures and hold perpetrators accountable, as survivors consistently demand—not just safety, but also a halt to the cycle of abuse.
The harsh reality is this: it is crucial to support survivors, yet this alone won’t suffice. Achieving enduring change demands engaging with those who perpetrate violence as well.
That’s why New York has made one of the largest investments in free, voluntary programming for people who have caused harm. The Mayor’s Office to End Domestic and Gender-Based Violence works in partnership with community-based organizations — including the Urban Resource Institute, RISE Project, and Rising Ground — to offer Abusive Partner Intervention Programs known as Respect First and Respect and Responsibility.
These trauma-informed accountability programs are based on a simple but powerful idea: hurt people can hurt people — and with the right support, they can change.
Moreover, where these programs are housed — within organizations that understand the complexities of abuse and are structured to holistically meet the needs of survivors and their families — is critical to their success.
URI, one key partner in this programming, is the largest provider of domestic violence shelter services in America, serving more than 40,000 individuals each year. Together, we see domestic violence for what it is: a sprawling social justice challenge that’s too often only addressed after a high-profile tragedy or a high-profile celebrity or athlete is outed as an abusive partner.
Since 2022, more than 225 adult New Yorkers have participated in Respect and Responsibility, a free, voluntary program for adults who want to stop causing harm in relationships. And building on the success of that program, this January, the Adams administration launched Respect First, a voluntary or court-mandated program for youth between the ages of 13 and 21. Since January of this year, about 30 young people in Brooklyn and the Bronx have participated in Respect First, and this fall, it will expand to Staten Island.
Trained providers work with participants to recognize their own trauma and understand how that history may inform their decisions, to manage stress differently, and to build healthier relationships with the people they love.
One participant described a particularly meaningful accountability exercise: writing and reading aloud a letter to the person they had harmed. “It’s not easy to admit when you’re wrong. It’s not easy to apologize when you’ve done wrong,” the participant said. “To this day, I still think about that letter.”
Others report actively working to change harmful behaviors. “The first thing I was taught through this program was to pay attention to my stresses. Certain things I didn’t even know were stress points for me until it was pointed out,” another participant said. “Now I know how to count down when I know I’m going to have a breakdown — whether it’s mental, physical, or emotional.”
With prevention, accountability, and real opportunities to change, we can break the cycles of violence and trauma that plague our communities. We can empower people to change, we can protect survivors, and we can make a meaningful reduction in domestic violence rates in our lifetime.
To register or refer a client for these programs, head to nyc.gov/respect.
Sethi is commissioner of the Mayor’s Office to End Domestic and Gender-Based Violence. Schuster is vice president of government affairs at the Urban Resource Institute.
