New Yorkers have weathered their share of culinary quirks, from the ubiquitous dollar pizza slices to the underwhelming desk salads and delivery drivers for whom “30 minutes” is more of a suggestion than a guarantee.

Now, Gwyneth Paltrow is entering the fray.

As of April 20, the Goop founder has launched Goop Kitchen in New York City—a delivery-only venture focused on “clean eating.” The concept offers meals crafted by chefs, promising to withstand the hustle and bustle of a Midtown high-rise delivery while maintaining the quality of a Tribeca bistro experience.

This marks a sort of “homecoming” for the actress-turned-wellness-guru, as New York is the first city outside of California to host Goop Kitchen, joining over a dozen existing locations there.

However, don’t expect Paltrow’s New York venture to include traditional dining elements like a restaurant setting, a hostess stand, or even a sighting of Paltrow herself.

What’s Goop Kitchen?

Instead, Goop Kitchen operates exclusively through ghost kitchens, focusing solely on delivery and takeout. These outposts are designed to deliver “clean,” chef-prepared dishes throughout Manhattan, featuring 100% recyclable packaging and responsibly sourced ingredients. Even the salads, with names like “superseded crunchies,” are assembled with meticulous care.

And this is just the beginning. Flatiron, the Upper West Side, the Upper East Side (at the former Butterfield Market) and Williamsburg are already in the pipeline, with a Goop spokesperson predicting the brand will be feeding most of Manhattan — and parts of Brooklyn — by year’s end.

In other words, the “Marty Supreme” star is back in New York — for the uninitiated, she went to the elite Spence School as a child — at least spiritually, if not physically.

Naturally, The Post did what any responsible newsroom would do: we ordered one of everything, or close to it.

From a $18.95 teriyaki bowl to a $9.95 blueberry lemon layer cake that feels emotionally aware enough to judge your life choices, the spread reads less like lunch and more like a wellness influencer’s grocery cart after a breakup.

There’s a $19 miso salmon bento box, an $18 Cobb salad that insists it’s “classic-ish,” and something called the G-Potle Taco Crunch Bowl for nearly $20 — because nothing says “relaxing dinner” like punctuation confusion in your entrée.

And because this is Goop, everything is “thoughtfully sourced,” “chef-crafted,” and engineered to endure the brutal reality of delivery times that stretch longer than your lunch break and most of your will to live.

The question, of course, is whether the Oscar winner’s clean-eating empire can actually survive the dirtiest food city in America — or if this is just another glossy wellness fantasy that collapses the moment it hits a cracked plastic container in Midtown traffic.

We dug in to find out.

If Goop Kitchen is designed for seamless delivery, the Midtown pickup experience at 245 W. 46th St. tells a slightly different story.

What it’s really like ordering from Midtown’s new Goop Kitchen

Post photographer Tamara Beckwith headed to the brand’s West 46th Street outpost — tucked inside something called the Picnic Digital Food Court — and found what she described as a “Times Square DoorDash mecca,” complete with an “army of delivery bikes” idling outside.

The setup wasn’t exactly intuitive. The space houses more than 30 restaurants, their names flashing on a rotating digital screen, with little to signal Goop Kitchen’s particular presence.

Inside, it’s all screens and self-service: tap your order into a kiosk, wait — in this case, about 45 minutes — and retrieve your food from a wall of lockers that felt, Beckwith said, “very Amazon.”

Even getting it delivered proved tricky.

The Goop Kitchen drop-off: wellness, but make it delayed

Post Head of Lifestyle Natasha Pearlman initially tried to have the spread sent to the office around noon. Instead, the earliest delivery window came back as 3:30 p.m. — and at one point, an entirely different order showed up.

Pearlman suspected the mix-up may have something to do with the setup — “fewer humans, more automation” and a system still working out the kinks as it tries to keep up with Goop-level demand.

Taste test: Gwyneth’s ‘clean’ cuisine meets dirty newsroom honesty

If Goop Kitchen is selling wellness, The Post’s newsroom brought the reality check.

We dug into the full spread — from “virtue bowls” to gluten-free pizza — and the verdict was anything but one-note.

The Goop Teriyaki Bowl ($18.95) sparked rare consensus. Real Estate Editor Zachary Kussin dubbed it “an elevated Panda Express,” swapping mall-food grease for grilled chicken, kale and avocado.

Lifestyle reporter Allison Lax was even more direct: the chicken was “bomb” — tender, flavorful and filling “without making me feel weighed down.” Not bad for a bowl with something to prove.

The pizza, however, didn’t stand a chance.

Lax called the gluten-free Queen Margherita ($18.50) “mid at best,” while Kussin said it delivered “only texture.”

Lifestyle reporter Benjamin Cost went further, saying the undercooked crust tasted like “they slapped toppings on a square of Play-Doh.”

In a city that treats pizza like religion, that’s borderline sacrilege.

Dessert didn’t exactly save the day, either, with a blueberry lemon layer cake ($9.95) splitting the room.

Lax found it “light and airy” with a hint of citrus, while others struggled to taste much blueberry — or lemon — at all. More vibes than flavor.

The pesto pasta ($17.95) landed in safer territory. Lax said it would be “really good … if warmer,” while Associate Lifestyle Editor Fabiana Buontempo admitted she came in expecting something aggressively “healthy” and was left pleasantly surprised — even if the basil flavor didn’t quite hit as hard as a traditional version.

“I went in expecting everything to taste like grass since it’s marketed as ‘healthy.’ I thought it would be too clean, too healthy, not much flavor. I was pleasantly surprised with the Goop Kitchen food,” Buontempo confessed.

The “Classic-ish” Cobb ($17.95) quietly overperformed. Buontempo said she expected a stripped-down, joyless version but got something satisfying instead, while Lifestyle reporter Kyra Breslin called it “so good,” praising the fresh ingredients and restraint on dressing.

Even Goop, it seems, knows not to mess with a cobb too much.

The Thai Crispy Rice Crunch Salad ($16.95) was one of the bigger hits — with a small warning label. Assistant Photo Editor Yared Glicksman called it “delicious,” noting that the crunch “really makes the dish pop,” while Deputy Photo Editor Evelyn Cordon said the portions were big enough to split.

Senior Photo Editor Jesaca Lin pointed out one potential dealbreaker: cilantro. Love it, and you’re golden; hate it, and you’ve been warned.

Not everything had that kind of clarity.

The garlic-roasted Japanese sweet potatoes ($10.50) struggled to stand out, with Lin summing it up best, saying the dish “needs more of an identity.” Others noted the garlic flavor barely registered — though reheating may have dulled the impact.

One surprise standout: the G-Potle Taco Crunch Bowl ($18.95). Breslin called the mushroom carnitas “insanely good,” a rare moment where the buzzy name actually delivered.

The summer salad rolls ($14.50) also made an impression. Cost described them as “vibrant, crunchy and cohesive,” though he noted that at $14.50, the portion “is not a charity drive.” They also arrived, as he put it, “morgue-cold.”

The miso salmon bento box ($18.95) was another win. Breslin called the fish “excellent,” praising its balance — flavorful without being drowned in sauce, with just a hint of sweetness.

And for those craving something heartier, the turkey chili ($17.95) delivered. Photographer Tamara Beckwith described it as flavorful and filling, complete with thoughtful extras like pickled onions, jalapeños and sides that made it feel like a full meal.

For all the talk of clean eating and careful sourcing, the results weren’t exactly pristine.

Some dishes impressed. Others confused. A few didn’t survive the journey.

Which, in New York, might be the most honest review of all.