DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend humiliated me recently when he insisted I apologize to a woman standing behind him in the grocery line. Right as he was about to pay for our items, I remembered something I needed and quickly went to grab it. I returned within less than a minute while our order was still being processed.
As I rejoined him to add the forgotten item, he loudly instructed me to apologize to the woman waiting behind him. The thing is, he was still in the middle of paying! The woman hadn’t even been in line when I left to get the mustard, and since he hadn’t moved, I assumed he had informed her of my brief absence.
This isn’t the first time he has acted this way. I genuinely don’t believe I was in the wrong, and if he thought I was, he could have approached me privately instead of treating me like a naughty child. My feelings might have been different if we had already cleared the checkout, but we hadn’t. It seemed to me that he was saving the spot for me. — NOT A CHILD IN FLORIDA
DEAR NOT A CHILD: If there had been a long line, I can understand that running back to fetch the mustard might have caused a serious inconvenience. Because there wasn’t, your boyfriend should not have embarrassed you the way he did. Since it wasn’t the first time he has done something like this, assume that he derives satisfaction from doing it. Think hard about whether you really want a future with a partner like him. (I know I wouldn’t.)
DEAR ABBY: I have hemifacial spasm (HFS), a relatively rare disorder characterized by random and uncontrollable spasms on one side of the face. HFS can sometimes be alleviated through surgery and/or treated with Botox injections. HFS makes social contact challenging when the face contorts for no apparent reason, sometimes with accompanying speech slurring.
In my case, surgery was unsuccessful, and my only option is Botox, which leaves one eye wider open and my mouth unable to move naturally or smile on one side. I’m learning to accept this facial asymmetry as my new normal, but I’m not there yet.
I’m self-conscious about having my photo taken, but camera-wielders insist and persist. Can you help me with a response I can use to those photo-takers who refuse to take no for an answer, or worse, tell me to “just smile,” something I can no longer do? — SELF-CONSCIOUS IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR SELF-CONSCIOUS: I have several suggestions about your problem. The first is that not everyone is equally talented in administering Botox. Is the person administering yours a dermatologist? Whether the answer to this question is yes or no, it might benefit you to consult more than one.
Because you are sensitive about having your picture taken, point out to the picture-taker that either you prefer not to be photographed, and why, or explain that you WILL NOT be smiling for obvious reasons.
Another thought: Consider positioning yourself so your more photogenic side faces the camera, as many celebrities do when they are asked to pose.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
