Divorce is increasingly becoming a later-in-life decision for Americans 50 and older, with aging Gen Xers and Baby Boomers now accounting for a striking share of marriages that end.
Nearly 40% of divorces across the United States now involve couples over 50, a trend often referred to as “gray divorce.” That rate has remained steady since the pandemic, following decades of steady growth.
According to the New York Times, gray divorces doubled between 1990 and 2010, rising to roughly one in four divorces nationwide before climbing to the current level of about four in 10.
The pattern stands out because divorce rates have declined among many other age groups in the U.S., while they have continued to hold firm among people 50 and older.
Researchers and divorce professionals point to several possible reasons, including longer life expectancy, people marrying later, the emotional shift that can come with becoming empty nesters, and spouses — particularly wives — becoming less willing to tolerate unhappy or dismissive relationships after menopause.
Michael Stutman, a prominent New York City divorce attorney, believes the rise also reflects a broader “popular culture” shift in how people think about marriage, happiness and the limited time they have left.
“The thing about people who are over 50 is that they’re getting cognizant that the fuel gauge is starting to go down to empty,” Stutman told The Post. “And there’s one thing money can’t buy, which is time.”
He added that many people begin reassessing what they want from the rest of their lives: “People finally realize that if they’re starting to drain the second half of the tank, if they have bucket list items or a wish list or whatever, they don’t want to spend the limited time that they may have left investing in something that they feel will not give them an appropriate rate of return.”
Stutman felt the 40% rate felt higher than what he’s personally seen, but acknowledged that “the trend line for our practice, of seeing the age of our clients increasing, is definitely a thing.”
One woman, 58-year-old Ruchi, said she decided to leave her husband after he completely forgot her 50th birthday.
“You’ve put all these things aside because you’re a mom and you’re taking care of a family,” she said,
“Then you think: Is that all I am good for? When did I stop being a person?”
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“I actually thought I was crazy, because I was irritated at everything,” she said.
Ruchi also said she’s become much less tolerant of her forgetful husband after menopause — which is a well-documented phenomenon.
“I actually thought I was crazy, because I was irritated at everything,” she told the Times.
Another possible motivator could be a societal shift towards getting married later.
People are increasingly getting hitched in their 30s or 40s, instead of the old norm of marriage in people’s 20s — which Stutman said would naturally affect the age people are if their marriages fall apart.
“Over the last 20 years, the age of people getting into their first marriage has expanded. It has been elongating,” Stutman said.
“So if you believe there’s some inherent process that goes on in a marriage that leads people to end it after their children are in college, or if there’s a 15 or 20 year old lifetime — their first marriages are 20 years old by the time they’re 50, as opposed to when it would have been maybe 40,” he said.
But the gray divorce rates don’t mean romance is over for the silver-haired.
About 14% of Americans in their 60s have hit up the dating apps, according to a 2023 Pew Research Center survey.
And 12% of Americans 70 years and older have also used dating apps, the Times reported.
Divorce rates on the whole have been steadily dropping since 1980, with the Pew Research Center showing 14.4 divorces per 1,000 marriages as of 2023 — compared to the 22.6 divorces per 1,000 marriages nearly 50 years ago.
Those reduced rates were largely driven by an increase in the number of people with higher levels of education getting married, and a decrease in those with lower levels, according to Pew.
Marriage rates have also declined in recent decades — 69% of adults had been married as of 1970, compared to 50% in 2021.
