In a heartfelt revelation, a couple from the Gold Coast shared their struggle with a decision that could have either saved or shattered their marriage. Faced with the choice, they opted for the former, as Damian Ngati decided to walk away from his lucrative $300,000 fly-in, fly-out (FIFO) job.
For Jasmine and Damian Ngati, the challenges of FIFO work stealthily infiltrated their lives, gradually tightening its grip over a span of 15 years. Reflecting on the situation, Jasmine noted, “From the outside, it seemed like we had it all.”
She elaborated on their seemingly perfect life, highlighting the financial stability and opportunities it afforded them. “We had the money, the lifestyle, dined in exquisite restaurants, took luxurious holidays, and even constructed our dream home,” Jasmine recounted.
However, beneath the surface of this ideal existence, the reality was starkly different. The extended periods apart left Jasmine shouldering the responsibilities of everyday life alone, while Damian faced the grueling demands of underground tunneling at a remote mining site.
Damian admitted to feeling ensnared by the pressure to continually provide for his family, convinced that sacrificing his well-being was part and parcel of his role as a provider. This internal conflict eventually led to the pivotal decision to prioritize their marriage over the financial gains of his demanding job.
Mr Ngati said he felt trapped by expectations to keep pushing, driven by the belief that his role was to provide for his family, no matter the personal cost.
‘Everyone sees the money, the security,’ he said.
‘I worked my way up from the bottom and built a life I thought my family really needed because as a man you’re taught your job is to provide so you just keep going.’
Jasmine and Damian Ngati (pictured) are hoping to help other couples navigate the strain of fly-in, fly-out work
Mr Ngati, who now works in civil construction, said over time things at home didn’t feel the same.
‘On the outside it looks like you’ve got it all but inside it feels pretty empty,’ he said.
Around 120,000 people are estimated to work FIFO jobs across Australia.
For the Ngatis, the reality of that pressure only became clear when it was almost too late.
Faced with the possibility of losing their relationship entirely, the couple made a drastic decision to walk away from the FIFO lifestyle this year.
‘The moment that cemented it was a FaceTime call,’ Ms Ngati said.
‘Damian could hear it in my voice before he could even see my face. When he saw me, he knew. I looked empty. Lost. Like I had nothing left in me. Without me saying a single word, he understood he was losing his wife.’
That evening, when Mr Ngati returned to work for the night shift, he told their son -who was also working on site – that he was quitting.
Jasmine and Damian (pictured with their daughter) said the FIFO lifestyle allowed them to build their dream home on the Gold Coast
Then he walked into his boss’s office and handed in his notice.
‘It wasn’t an easy decision and not just because of the money,’ Mr Ngati said.
‘Walking away from a trade and a career I spent 15 years building from the ground up.
‘That work was tied to who I am, my sense of worth, purpose. Giving that up took courage.’
Since leaving the FIFO game, the parents-of-four have learnt that ‘rich’ isn’t always about the big money.
When Mr Ngati came home for good, it was their youngest daughter who showed them just how much his absence had cost her.
‘A little girl who had known dad leaving every two weeks for her entire life, who had cried at fly-outs for as long as she could remember, was transformed,’ Ms Ngati said.
‘The day he walked in for school pick-up and she realised he wasn’t leaving again, the look on her face was something no paycheque could ever match.’
The couple said they now have more quality with each other and their family (pictured)
Now, the pair say they are focused on rebuilding what they nearly lost and are sharing their experience to help other couples facing similar struggles.
However, they are quick to point out they are not anti-FIFO.
‘FIFO gave our family everything,’ Ms Ngati said.
‘We just want couples still in it to know that the disconnection doesn’t have to be the story. You can stay connected. You can choose each other through it. That’s why we’re sharing this.’
The couple have since begun documenting their journey online, offering insights and advice drawn from their own experience navigating FIFO life.
They’ve also created a 48-hour relationship reset guide aimed at helping couples reconnect during the limited time they have together between shifts.
